Mutual Assured Delight

Archive for the tag “Music”

The Empirical Value of Non-Rational Functions in Musical Parlance: An Analysis of Studies

*In the style of Reggie Watts and The Contemporary Classical Composer’s Bullshit Generator (http://www.dominicirving.com/cccbsg/).   I had to write a paper in the style of another artist, so decided to choose Reggie Watts and do some complaining about those in the realm of academia who attempt to over-complexize their work to make it seem more cerebral and challenging.  If you don’t know Reggie Watts, you need to know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdHK_r9RXTc



“Where words fail, music speaks”- Hans Christian Anderson


This study proposes to both abrogate and corroborate the preliminary assumptions regarding the avant-garde vernacular pertaining to the musically subsidized, using lackadaisical yet fainéant data. Under the umbrella of neopositivism, which is to say not just with but also throughout, both logical positivism and logical empiricism emerged as the zeitgeist of the emerging musical millennium. That is to say, Verificationism verified the varying ways to be circumlocutious. Now, non-linearities in the jargonated sense seems probably preposterous from an objective, non-musical point of view. However, not in the non-verbal veracious sense but in the verbostic vernacular sense, the psychological egotistical enlargement is quite enlightening. Furthermore the auditorical assuagement of the listener by use of more base confabulation is of minimal consequence to the academic musical litterateur.

The arduousness of the situation can be extrapolated from the literary libraries of Butler, Kuusi, Cohn, Lewin, Schenker, and of course Babbitt. Without these pioneers of, of which all others come from internally, the gymnastics of argot. From here we come to and from the conclusion from which we reach the beginning of our argument, leading to five points that are both unequivocally doubtful and equivalently dissimilar.


  1. The post-expressionism of verbal audacity audaciously adheres to anarchist propensity.
  2. The aleatoric nature of the verbal audacity is pre-determined by the unknown and established clauses of intellectual pomposity.
  3. In which One is always linked to Two unless Four is determine by the validity of 3-x, x of course referring to the pomposity divided by monetary assistance.
  4. Four is Three unless in that case it also with Two.
  5. Due to the completely and undeveloped anarchical anachronistic nature of this study, The time that was forever will not be what is, determining the duality of academia.


For example, “The consequently conception contemporizes and considered is causing that which was to be, and that to be is now is”. While not unlike what scholars such as Plato enjoyed, the seminal function of what is to be read and understood is understandingly grand yet underwhelming. Romantically unendearing, the lexicon is both is and is not the point of the passages created.

So what was is now largely what ever should be is, and whenever it was what it will be is, it is also what may come to past. And so Musicologists and Music Theorists and Ethnomusicologists ponder the extensive nature of the vocal vocabulary chosen to exemplify their choices. That is to say, it is understandably non-unreadable by the writer, but also misunderstood by the masses. Though not mostly meritless in the Charles Dickens pay-per-word model, it is understandably disheartening in the pay-by-quality approach, which outlines the outliers of understandably understandable utterances in musical scholarship. And thus, in denouement, the abrogation and corroboration of the musical vernacular is undoubted both now and forever. As once said, “What is infinitely known should be limited by what is intermittently untruthful”.

The Arts are dead and so are you.

So I wrote this for a Facebook post a while ago , but I really liked it, so I am putting here as well.

After hours upon hours of contemplating my options, reviewing the current trends of the market, and consulting, ney,   pursuing every possible avenue, I have come upon this very conclusion: The Arts are dead.
Yes, I know that this statement may seen to be completely incorrect, lacking any basis in reality, but hear me out.
I read Yahoo.
A lot.
Yes over the years I have scoured the many articles written by the prestigious staff of this news powerhouse regarding education and it has become clear to me that the arts( including performance, creating, selling, and especially the teaching of) has no place in in our fast paced modern society. To get an education, for both personal and business reasons, will surely lead to a life of debt and frustration. The study of both the fine and the minor arts is a long road leading to a cliff of endless sorrow. Let’s face it; The entertainment industry is six feet under. Anybody who thinks otherwise is simply being idiotic and foolish, which most likely means that they are majoring in the arts themselves. Because some people will statistically not succeed in these majors and fields, to keep it on the safe side nobody should major in it.
In fact, if I may be so bold (and I shall), ALL of the humanities should be included in this.
I’ll repeat myself.
ALL of the humanities should be included in this.
I know. you’re probably sipping your champagne while pursuing The Facebook and saying to yourself between bites of your rare prepared steak, ” But Mr. Grant. Your claims are absolutely preposterous. The benefits of getting an eduction in the arts, wether towards a degree or just to further a hobby, is an important part of any education. Most people in some way or another are attached to some form of Arts or humanities in general. Yes, majoring in these fields is not for everyone. And Yes, the unemployment rate is higher than in more STEM related fields, but throwing out the baby with the bathtub is preposterous. Instead of getting rid of programs related to the Arts as a reaction to our low standings in the world, we should try to increase promotion of both STEM AND The Arts in early education. The arts and humanities are very much alive in America and we most continue to support them “.
Poppycock I say!
Poppycock and flabbergabstation and abernathaloutationia all around.

The High browed Liberals in the make believe land of Academia are out of touch with reality. They are stealing our children and friends money and then kicking them out into the Serbian tundra without a pocket to cover their privates.
NOT even their privates.
It is an absolute shame to see such intelligent (yet at the same time idiotic) youth waste their god given talent on such meaningless aspirations.
Now I know. You are sky diving off of an Eagle of Manwë while hopscotching through the World Wide Web on your Google Glasses and yelling to the President of Latveria, ” This is a fruitless rant Colin. You yourself are a music major and have expressed interest in such things as Anthropology and History. If all of these things are valid, which they are not, are not setting yourself up for failure? I think you are blowing things out of proportion. Even Doctor Doom agrees with me, and he looks down on everything NOT Doom”.
Your feeble mind makes a surprisingly astute observation.
I am no longer lingering in the before mentioned fields.
Instead, I am pursuing a more noble path.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
But not just any Career politician. A corrupt one.
Studies show that corrupt career politicians have a longevity in the field.
Yes. To prepare myself for a preposterously long and prosperous career, I will being by cheating on wife of 10 years while doing coke out of the bellybutton of a mistress twenty years my Junior, stealing government money from my constitutions to visit her in her home Latveria, and then lie profusely about it. To assuage them, I will suggest legislation that really makes no sense.
Apologize profusely and convince my wife to stay with me.
Rinse. Wash. Repeat.
Now I know what you must be thinking as you are chasing tornadoes in the magic school bus with Ms. Frizzle and George Asimov to discover the Doctor’s name while telepathically communicating to Dennis the Menace of the Archadian Empire, “This is stupid”.
This is America.
God bless us, everyone.

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