Mutual Assured Delight

Archive for the tag “college”

The Arts are dead and so are you.

So I wrote this for a Facebook post a while ago , but I really liked it, so I am putting here as well.

After hours upon hours of contemplating my options, reviewing the current trends of the market, and consulting, ney,   pursuing every possible avenue, I have come upon this very conclusion: The Arts are dead.
Yes, I know that this statement may seen to be completely incorrect, lacking any basis in reality, but hear me out.
I read Yahoo.
A lot.
Yes over the years I have scoured the many articles written by the prestigious staff of this news powerhouse regarding education and it has become clear to me that the arts( including performance, creating, selling, and especially the teaching of) has no place in in our fast paced modern society. To get an education, for both personal and business reasons, will surely lead to a life of debt and frustration. The study of both the fine and the minor arts is a long road leading to a cliff of endless sorrow. Let’s face it; The entertainment industry is six feet under. Anybody who thinks otherwise is simply being idiotic and foolish, which most likely means that they are majoring in the arts themselves. Because some people will statistically not succeed in these majors and fields, to keep it on the safe side nobody should major in it.
In fact, if I may be so bold (and I shall), ALL of the humanities should be included in this.
I’ll repeat myself.
ALL of the humanities should be included in this.
I know. you’re probably sipping your champagne while pursuing The Facebook and saying to yourself between bites of your rare prepared steak, ” But Mr. Grant. Your claims are absolutely preposterous. The benefits of getting an eduction in the arts, wether towards a degree or just to further a hobby, is an important part of any education. Most people in some way or another are attached to some form of Arts or humanities in general. Yes, majoring in these fields is not for everyone. And Yes, the unemployment rate is higher than in more STEM related fields, but throwing out the baby with the bathtub is preposterous. Instead of getting rid of programs related to the Arts as a reaction to our low standings in the world, we should try to increase promotion of both STEM AND The Arts in early education. The arts and humanities are very much alive in America and we most continue to support them “.
Poppycock I say!
Poppycock and flabbergabstation and abernathaloutationia all around.

The High browed Liberals in the make believe land of Academia are out of touch with reality. They are stealing our children and friends money and then kicking them out into the Serbian tundra without a pocket to cover their privates.
NOT even their privates.
It is an absolute shame to see such intelligent (yet at the same time idiotic) youth waste their god given talent on such meaningless aspirations.
Now I know. You are sky diving off of an Eagle of Manwë while hopscotching through the World Wide Web on your Google Glasses and yelling to the President of Latveria, ” This is a fruitless rant Colin. You yourself are a music major and have expressed interest in such things as Anthropology and History. If all of these things are valid, which they are not, are not setting yourself up for failure? I think you are blowing things out of proportion. Even Doctor Doom agrees with me, and he looks down on everything NOT Doom”.
Your feeble mind makes a surprisingly astute observation.
I am no longer lingering in the before mentioned fields.
Instead, I am pursuing a more noble path.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
But not just any Career politician. A corrupt one.
Studies show that corrupt career politicians have a longevity in the field.
Yes. To prepare myself for a preposterously long and prosperous career, I will being by cheating on wife of 10 years while doing coke out of the bellybutton of a mistress twenty years my Junior, stealing government money from my constitutions to visit her in her home Latveria, and then lie profusely about it. To assuage them, I will suggest legislation that really makes no sense.
Apologize profusely and convince my wife to stay with me.
Rinse. Wash. Repeat.
Now I know what you must be thinking as you are chasing tornadoes in the magic school bus with Ms. Frizzle and George Asimov to discover the Doctor’s name while telepathically communicating to Dennis the Menace of the Archadian Empire, “This is stupid”.
This is America.
God bless us, everyone.


Circumnavigation of the Soul (Hug a librarian)

                Have you ever had one of those experiences that brings everything full circle and ultimately brings closure? You know, a true circumnavigation of the soul.  This morning I had one those life defining moments and the only set of words that could possibly explain my emotions is pure unadulterated bliss. In a very uncharacteristic move, I made the decision to run to the library. This excursion is something I used to do almost daily until I sold my soul to schoolwork and Sister Act Two: Back in the Habit.  Since school is officially out and I wore out the VHS tape, I jogged to my local library.  Like any self-respecting book work I live within two miles of a library and waited with true enthusiasm for ten minutes until the door opened. Ecstasy finally set in. I grabbed two Shonen Jumps, a copy of Nightmare inspector, and a cup of nostalgia. Pretty sweet, right? That was not the full circle.

                While I was reading, my favorite librarian popped up and began to talk to me.  Yes, I have a favorite librarian. Yes, I have a list of librarians from varying branches and schools across the nation listed from preferred to least favored. No, I have not chosen a life as a lonely cat lady man. Any who, I was asked to give a small pep talk to the new summer program recruits.  Since I have been in the program for about four/five years, it made sense that I would be able to give a somewhat eloquent speech on the joys of volunteering.

So I spoke.

I spoke about my high school experience, about the joys of volunteering and how it can help you, and why it is best to start young. I spoke about how the library shaped me and about how it impacted my decision on what to major in. I spoke about the benefits of befriending librarians ( If you are as forgetful as I am, it smart to be friends with the person who can sign out library books to you) and why 100+ volunteering hours will make colleges look at you a bit closer. I only spoke for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity to me. I reveled in moment, seeing those four kids in the same seat that I sat in for my first orientation.  If I had more time to think, to speak, I would have told them to talk to the kids they would be seeing daily. Not just to the ones who shared that passion for reading that brought us all into that room on a Saturday morning, but to the children who were dragged to the summer reading program. It is easy to identify with the kids who choose to read on their own accord.  This is because we all once hid under the Pokémon plastered covers at ten P.M. (way past the barbaric bed time placed upon us by the parental unit) and read novels by the light of a Gameboy SP while the rest of the household slept away, blissfully unaware that a new universe was being born. No, those kids flock to books like mice to cheese. Engaging the children who found no solace in a Borders (R.I.P.) gift card is the real job of a summer reading volunteer. Who knows, maybe suggesting that the baseball player read a book by Dan Gutman changes his/her entire outlook on reading. There was a lot I wish I could have said. What I said did suffice.

                I am not a huge fan of the idea of everything happening for a reason. Existential nihilism is a concept that I am quite fond of.  However, something compelled me to get off of my ass to jog to that library. Something compelled me to stay in the library and read, despite the fact that I had things to do at home. Something compelled me to speak. That something gave me closure. The summer reading program was one of the few constants in my life from middle school to high school graduation. As I transformed from an introverted preteen with a lot of South Jersey angst to a young adult ready to take on the world, the summer reading program at the library was always there.  I am not one hundred percent sure of anything in this world. Anybody who is, is simply kidding themselves.  People are changing, right and wrong is transposable, and moments are never exactly the same. Still, I am grateful for the thing (or not thing) that allowed me to speak this morning at the library. In a time where old doors are shut and new gates are being formed, it is nice to know that some things wrap up nicely. Thank you to all the librarians who have helped me thus far, and thank you to all the ones who I will soon meet.

Sorry for the rambling. I’m a sucker for these kind of things.


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